Chapter 34

The rest of the weekend flew by and before they knew it, they had landed in New York and were riding in a car to their hotel. Emily had been to New York a few times but she'd never really done it up in style. This time would be very different. AJ insisted she go shopping when he was at the studio the next day and she was going to have a nice long massage, get her hair and nails done and maybe even a facial if she felt brave. They had also planned to see a Broadway play and eat dinner at The Boathouse in Central Park.

AJ was thrilled to be back in a studio again. Emily went with him Monday afternoon as soon as they got there. Brent met them downstairs in the lobby.

“AJ! How's it going?” Brent asked, shaking AJ's hand.

“Pretty good! Brent, this is my wife Emily.”

“Nice to meet you Emily.” Brent said, shaking Emily's hand.

Emily was surprised. She had expected a middle-aged man wearing a suit or something. Instead, Brent was young, probably around her own age and he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

“I got the new stuff you e-mailed me and I have to tell you, I think it's your best stuff yet.” Brent said.

“Really?” AJ sounded surprised.

“Yeah! I actually changed my mind about which songs to work on while you're here because I think I'd like to work on your new ones.”

Emily smiled at AJ as they got in the elevator and went up to the fifth floor to the studio.

As Emily sat in the control room and watched AJ go to work, she was amazed at how in his element he seemed. Any nervous feelings he'd had up until now seemed to vanish into thin air as he owned his songs and took complete control. He stopped every now and then to fix things or Brent would make a suggestion and AJ would try something different. When the producer played back the mix Emily was amazed at how quickly it could all come together.

AJ was in a great mood when they finished up for the day. It was still fairly early, about four o'clock, when they took a cab back to the hotel.

“Brent got us reservations at the Boat House tonight for 6, do you think you can be ready in an hour?”

“Yeah!” Emily said. “I had no idea we were even going tonight!”

“Well, I was kind of worried if we didn't go tonight it might be harder to go, I think the rest of the sessions are going to take a bit more time.”

“Ok. Hey, what are you going to wear?”

“I was thinking of wearing those black pants I brought with the dark red shirt.”

“Hmm...well what should I wear?” she asked.

AJ peered into her suitcase. The first thing he pulled out was her set of pink lace underwear and matching bra. Emily laughed, naturally he would start with the underwear. He ended up picking out her black skirt with the slit up the side and a pink shirt.

“Have you been to the Boat House before?” she asked as she went into the bathroom to get cleaned up.

“Yeah, I've been a few times.” he said, taking off his shirt.

“With your old girlfriends?” she teased.

“Maybe. They weren't as pretty as you are though.”

Emily smiled.

They took a cab to central park and walked along the path a bit before going to the restaurant. They had a great table looking out at the water and they were both in very high spirits as they talked and laughed a lot. When Emily went to the bathroom, she bumped into two girls as she was walking out the door.

“Oops, sorry!” she said.

“Hey! Aren't you Emily McLean?”

“Yes, do I know you from somewhere?”

“No, I mean, we just know you as being AJ's wife! Oh my gosh, is he here?”

Emily smiled. It was actually the very first time she'd been recognized in public. She had to admit, she felt a bit special. “As a matter of fact he is!”

The girls both grinned in excitement.

“He's in town working on his solo album. If you'd like an autograph, I'm sure he'd be happy to, if you just promise not to cause a stampede or anything.”

“We promise!” the girls said.

“Alright. We're sitting over there by the water.” Emily pointed in the direction of her table.

“Cool, thanks!” they said as they went into the bathroom.

Emily had a huge grin on her face as she sat down.

“I thought maybe you fell in or something!” he said.

“Actually, I bumped into these two girls and they recognized me as your wife! No one's ever recognized me before!” she said, excitedly.

AJ laughed. “You've seriously never been spotted before?”

“No! Apparently, I've never been anywhere quite glamorous enough for people to be on the celebrity lookout!”

“Well, I'll have to see what I can do to mend that!” he laughed.

“Please do, I really thought that being married to a celebrity would come with some more perks.” she winked at him.

“Oh I think you enjoy quite a few perks of mine if you know what I mean....”

Emily blushed.

“So, were the girls nice to you?” AJ asked, slightly worried about how some of his fans might react to his wife.

“Yes, they were very nice and I told them you were here working on your solo album and that you probably wouldn't mind if they stopped by for an autograph.”

“Of course not! Is that them coming this way?” he asked, gesturing at two rather nervous looking girls.

Emily turned and smiled at them. “Yep, that's them!”

AJ turned on the charm as he sighed their autographs and posed for a picture with them. They asked him a few questions about his album and he was more than happy to talk about it.

They were both still in high spirits when they returned to their hotel room later that night.

“I have been waiting all day to make love to you.” she said as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Oh you have, have you?” he grinned.

“Yes. You looked so damn sexy in the studio, I was kind of hoping everyone would leave the room so I could just have you then.”

“Well you can have me now.” he said, seductively.

Emily smiled as leaned in and kissed him. She started off slowly, feeling his arms go around her and gradually, she deepened her kiss, loving the way his tongue teased her lips until she parted them. Before she knew it, they were in a frenzy of lips and hands as they quickly removed their clothing and stumbled over to the bed.

Emily shoved him back on to the bed and he reached over and grabbed her waist, pulling her in next to him. She pushed him back so he was laying flat on the bed and she began trailing kisses all over his body. She started out lightly, moving around his neck and chest, picking up intensity as she went along, a nibble here, a lick there. AJ closed his eyes and groaned softly. Emily didn't often take control in the bedroom and typically that was fine with him because he usually liked being the one in control, but every once in awhile he loved it when she took over. As Emily ran her tongue around his belly button he began to squirm a little, desperately hoping she was going to do what he thought she was going to do. It was yet another thing Emily didn't do very often but when she did, she was incredible at it.

Emily smiled to herself, knowing he was dying for her to take him in her mouth. She teased him for awhile, running her tongue around but never quite going where he wanted her to the most. Finally, she lay on her side next to him and very slowly leaned down towards him. She paused just over him and he held his breath as he could feel her warm breath on him. Finally he felt her lips on him as she took him in her mouth. He moaned loudly as she swirled her tongue around him and sucked gently, indicating to AJ that she intended for this to be a slow process. As much as AJ liked giving her the control, he didn't always like to be tortured and teased when there was something he wanted badly. To help encourage her, he flipped to his side and grabbed her hips, positioning her so he could taste her with his mouth while she tasted him with hers. Emily half moaned, half yelped in surprise as she was completely caught off guard by him. As he ran his tongue over her, she forgot all about taunting him as she began working him with her mouth. AJ quickly learned that the more pleasure he gave her, the more she gave him, almost like an automatic reflex. He loved feeling the vibrations of her voice each time she moaned, and he felt himself starting to lose control.

He pulled away from her as he quickly flipped her onto her back and thrust deep inside of her in one swift movement. Emily moaned yet again in surprise as she took him in. She immediately wrapped her legs around him, her hands grabbing at the sheets. AJ used every ounce of control he had to hold out for several minutes as he rode her.

“Please...” she panted, her nails digging into his back.

“Please what?” he whispered into her ear.

“Harder....” she said.

AJ grabbed her leg and lifted it up, resting it on his shoulder as he grabbed her hips and began riding her hard and deep. Emily began shaking as wave after wave of pleasure finally took over her body. She couldn't even hear AJ's moans as he let himself go, she was too caught up in the complete state of ecstasy she was in.

AJ held Emily for a few minutes as they caught their breath and came back down to earth.

“You know, I think people have it all wrong.” AJ said, finally.

“About what?”

“You know how they say once you're married the sex goes down hill?”

“Yeah...” Emily laughed.

“Well I think they're wrong! We've been married over two and a half years and I think the sex has only gotten better!”

“You have a point. Although, I'm not entirely sure I'm convinced. I think I'm going to need to see some more proof....”

Chapter 35

AJ worked in the studio until Friday but they'd been having such a great time together in New York that they decided to stay the weekend. He'd gotten some great work done in the studio and Brent was very excited for his meeting with the execs the next week.

“You know, I think you should go to New York every time you have to be in the studio. Screw LA! LA sucks!” Emily said as she set her suitcase down by the door.

AJ laughed. “I'll see what I can do. But LA's not so bad once you get used to it. They have palm trees!”

“Well, I do like palm trees, but that's about the only thing they've got going for them!”

“Hey, do you want to invite Brian and Leighanne over for dinner tonight?” AJ asked.

“Sure, why?”

“I want to show Brian my new stuff!”

Emily laughed. “Yeah, I'll go give them a call.”

She called Leighanne's cell phone and invited them all over for dinner.

“Didn't you just get back? Are you sure you want to do it tonight?” Leighanne asked.

“Well, my husband is like a little boy with a new toy he's just dying to show off to his friend. He really wants Brian to hear his new stuff. Ever since Brent praised it, he's felt really good about it. I think because it was a little different from all his other stuff, he was worried they wouldn't like it but actually, he's very proud of it. And he should be, it's great.”

Leighanne laughed. “Believe me, I have been there more than once. AJ's probably going to light a fire under Brian to start writing some more songs of his own. So, ok, dinner tonight would be great. Baylee's with my sister today anyway.”

“Amanda? How is she?”

“She's doing ok. She's all settled in her apartment finally.”

“Good! So, how about if you come over at 6:30?”

“That'll be fine, we'll see you then.” Leighanne said.,

Emily went to tell AJ that his play date was on for the night and then left to go to the grocery store. They didn't have any food for themselves to eat let alone food for a dinner party!

AJ unpacked their things while she was gone and then started catching back up on his e-mails and messages. Once he'd replied to everyone that needed it, he found the stack of mail on the kitchen counter and started sorting through it. A lot of it was junk mail but there were a few bills tucked in there that he set aside and a few statements from their health insurance company. AJ assumed they were all statements for his rehab stay so he opened them all up to see if they had paid the claims or not. He froze when he read the last statement.

Patient: Emily Jane McLean

Date of service: September 9, 2008

Facility: St. Mary's Hospital; Emergency Dept.

Treating Physician: Dr. Miranda Montgomery

Primary Complaint: Evaluation and treatment for fetal miscarriage at 9 weeks gestation

Total bill: $1200

Amount paid: $1200

AJ sat down and put his hand to his mouth, completely baffled. Could this even be right? All the patient information, down to her social security number, was accurate. He got up and looked at the calendar. Emily had circled all her ovulation dates awhile back and as he thought back to when she'd been to see him in LA, he saw a bright red circle around that day. He double checked his math to the date she was treated. Everything added up.

How could she have kept that from him? How could she not have told him she'd been carrying his baby and lost it? It must have been so difficult for her and it killed him that she didn't tell him. He could guess why, she probably didn't want to upset him but how could she have not told him something so significant? No wonder she'd been acting so weird when he came home. She'd been dealing with the loss of her baby without him. She didn't think he was strong enough to know about it, that he wasn't capable of being there for her. As it all sunk in, he grew angry with her. That just wasn't something you keep from your husband, no matter what. It was his baby too! Didn't he have a right to know?

He sat down on the couch and waited for her to come home. He tried to reason with himself that he shouldn't be so angry with her, that she had been through enough, but it was the mere thought that she actually decided she'd be better off to go through something so difficult without him that upset him. His baby. Just the thought alone that she'd been carrying his baby was a lot for him to take in, let alone that she'd lost it. He tried to imagine how painful that must have been for her. After everything she'd been through with him, to find out she was pregnant must have thrilled her. It would have thrilled him, had he known about it. But then to lose it all, especially after getting over losing Payton, must have hit her like a ton of bricks. All anger aside, his heart broke for what his wife must have gone through. The anguish it must have caused her.

He also felt completely betrayed by her. She had promised to always be truthful, to not keep things from him just because she was worried how he'd handle it. How much faith could she possibly have in him if she felt the need to keep this a secret? The more he thought about it, the more he realized Emily'd been lacking a certain amount of faith in him since all this started. She assumed he'd left her. For good reason but the point remained. She didn't have faith in him enough to believe he'd never want to leave her. And now, she didn't have enough faith in him to let him stand by her and support her through a difficult life event. He had to wonder what else she was keeping from him, what else she apparently didn't believe of him.

Emily walked in the door at 5:00 completely weighed down with grocery bags. She set them down in the kitchen and AJ walked in.

“What's wrong?” she asked, seeing the expression on his face.

“Maybe I should be asking you that.” he said.

“What?”

“Ever since I've been back, I've noticed something was a bit off about you, I just couldn't figure it out. Until now, that is.”

“What are you talking about? Nothings been bothering me.”

“Emily don't you dare even lie to me! I know all about it.”

“All about what?” she asked, slowly.

“I know all about the baby, all about the miscarriage.”

Emily's jaw dropped. She didn't know what to say. “How....” she started.

AJ slid her the insurance statement.

Emily took a deep breath. If that was how he found out, then at least he didn't know anything about Randy's involvement.

“I....I'm sorry....”

“How could you? You promised! You promised never to keep things like this from me! You said you trusted me, that you believed I was capable of being strong for you! Were you lying to me? To make me feel better?” he accused, his voice rising.

“AJ...it wasn't like that...really....” Emily said, tears welling up in her eyes.

“No? So, you didn't keep it from me? You didn't think I wasn't capable of taking care of you, of being there for you? You didn't lack faith in me that I'd be able to handle this? How the hell can you sit there and tell me how you trust me when all along you've been keeping this to yourself?” he ranted.

“But I...it wasn't that I didn't trust you...” she tried, wiping away the tears from her cheeks.

“Stop lying to me!” he snapped. “I am your husband, Emily! Your husband! Don't you think I deserved to know about this? Don't you think I deserved to know you were carrying my child? That you went through something so terrible without me? Wasn't it my right as your husband to know about this?”

“It just...I found out right before you left on your retreat...and I was going to tell you when you got home, I didn't want to tell you then, over the phone......but by the time you came home, it was....gone....and I guess I just thought....if you didn't know about it....you wouldn't have to go through that pain.....” Emily said, hugging her arms to her chest.

“You should have told me.” he said, coldly. “That's what marriage is. Your pain is my pain. I wouldn't have let you down, don't you know that?”

“I'm sorry...” she sniffed, tears flowing freely down her face.

“It's too late for sorry.” he said. “Let's just try to get through dinner tonight. We'll talk about this later. That is, if you think I'm capable of handling it.”

AJ walked upstairs and Emily stood in the middle of the kitchen, sobbing silently. She had never meant to make him feel like she didn't believe in him, her reasons for not telling him were completely selfish and had nothing to do with his ability to handle it without jeopardizing his sobriety. But in not telling him, that's exactly how she had made him feel. She knew there was no way she could leave this until after dinner. She went upstairs to find him in the office, sitting in the desk chair and staring down at the floor.

She knocked softly on the door.

“I said we'll talk about it later.” he said softly.

“I don't want to talk about it later. I want to talk about it now.” she said.

“Well I don't, ok? I really don't think now is the time for me to try and have a rational discussion about this.”

“I'm...sorry.” she said.

“I'm sure you are.”

Emily waited for a minute before turning and walking away. She had to pull herself together long enough to get through dinner. She went into the bathroom and washed her face, taking a few deep breaths to steady herself. She went into the kitchen and started preparing dinner.

AJ sat up in the office while he heard her down in the kitchen making dinner. He hadn't meant to be quite so hard on her but he was really thrown off balance by all of this. He could understand her not telling him about the baby over the phone when he was gone but he could not at all understand why she'd kept it to herself when he got home. He would have been more than sympathetic and understanding to her. Something just wasn't right. Even if Emily had been worried about him, he didn't think she'd have kept something of that scale from him. Not after the way things had been going between them. They'd had some really intense discussions over the phone when he was at rehab and she was brutally honest with him about her feelings towards the whole situation. Why did she stop being so honest? It just didn't make any sense.

As Emily chopped vegetables for a salad she went over in her head what she could say to AJ to make this all ok. How she could explain it without making it seem like she didn't trust him to handle it? She'd never seen him quite so angry with her before. Not genuinely angry like he was. She'd really hit a nerve and she knew she had some major repair work to do before things would be alright with him again. She just didn't know what to do.

She tried to stop thinking about it. She knew Leighanne would take one look at her face and know something was up right away if she didn't try and snap out of it soon. She had to push it from her mind and concentrate on getting through dinner. She just hoped AJ would also be willing to put on a happy face for their guests. The last thing she needed was for him to find out Leighanne knew all about this.

She switched herself into auto-pilot as she finished the salad and pulled the pork chops out of the marinade and put them in the oven. She put the rice on and cut the potatoes and boiled them to make mashed potatoes before cutting up the strawberries she'd bought to go with the shortcake for dessert.

AJ came downstairs at 6:25. He set the table and helped her mash the potatoes but he didn't speak to her and she was too afraid to say anything to him. When the doorbell rang he went to answer it and she heard his familiar greeting as Brian and Leighanne walked in. Emily realized he should have been an actor, he was so good at pretending he was happy and in a good mood. She hoped that his pretend good mood would carry over into his real mood by the end of dinner and that maybe that would make it a little easier for her to dig herself out the the deep hole of trouble she was in. She took the rolls out of the oven and dished everything up onto platters before taking off her apron, putting on her smiley face and walking out to meet her guests.

Chapter 36

Emily could sense Leighanne studying her as she greeted them. She did her best to pretend like everything was fine as she escorted them into the dining room where she'd set out a plate of cheese.

“So I hear New York went well!” Brian said to AJ.

“It was fucking awesome!” AJ said, his face lighting up as he told Brian all about the studio and mixing his songs.

“Emily, can I help you with anything?” Leighanne asked.

“Actually everything is ready to go, but thank you. Can I get you guys something to drink?”

“I'll take some water.” Leighanne said.

“Do you have any iced tea?” Brian asked, winking at her as he remembered how much Emily detested iced tea.

“Actually, this goof over here likes to drink it so unfortunately, yes, I do have some. Sweetened and everything.”

“Great! I'll have a glass!” Brian said.

“AJ? Did you want anything?” she asked, trying not to sound too uneasy.

“I'll get it myself, thanks.” he said, without looking at her.

Emily turned and went to get the drinks while Brian and Leighanne flashed each other a look. When she returned with the drinks, she had everyone sit down and began bringing out dinner.

“Wow Emily! This looks great!” Brian said, loading up his plate.

“Thanks! Not bad for last minute, huh?”

“You're a real Martha Stewart.” AJ said. Emily couldn't decide if he was being sarcastic or sincere so she just laughed it off.

“How's Baylee getting along with your sister?” she asked.

Leighanne laughed. “The last time Amanda spent much time with him, he was eighteen months old and much less of a handful. I expect he's running her ragged by now but she'll never admit to it being hard.”

Emily chuckled. “I kind of wish I could be a fly on the wall of her apartment right now.”

“Why did she move back here again?” AJ asked.

“She broke up with her fiance.” Brian answered.

“He was a lawyer at some new hot shot firm in Nashville and she apparently caught him cheating on her with his law clerk. She thought it was just the one time but when she confronted him about it, it had apparently been going on for over a year and he'd kept it from her the entire time.” Leighanne explained.

“It's amazing the things couples keep from each other, isn't it Emily?” AJ said, in a very snide tone.

“AJ...” Emily said, her face flushing.

AJ and Emily glared at each other while Brian and Leighanne exchanged an awkward look.

“What's going on guys?” Brian asked, finally.

“Nothing.” Emily muttered.

AJ laughed. Emily shot him another look.

“Well, you know, sometimes it helps to have someone kind of mediate...maybe you should talk about it.” Leighanne tried.

“We don't need a mediator.” AJ said. “There isn't anything Emily can say to take this back.”

“Take what back?” Brian asked. Leighanne's eyes went wide.

“Look, this is between AJ and myself. Can we please drop it?” she said, looking at AJ.

“Yes, lets do. I'm not sure I'm capable of dealing with this.” AJ said, his voice full of sarcasm.

Emily had about enough. He was purposely trying to push her buttons and he'd succeeded.

“Look, you don't know what the hell you're talking about!” she said, slamming down her fork.

“I don't?”

“You were gone!” she yelled. “It was an incredibly difficult time for me after everything that had happened and there's no way for you to understand that, especially if you're hell bent on trying not to. It wasn't that I thought you couldn't handle it, it was that I was too busy blaming myself for it, for being under so much stress and for not being completely happy about it to begin with. I didn't see the point in telling you. It wouldn't have changed anything, would it?”

“That's no reason not to tell me!” he yelled back. Brian looked at Leighanne to see what he should do. Leighanne just shook her head at him.

“Well I'm sorry, ok? But I can't go back and change it now! I made a mistake, something you'd know an awful lot about lately, wouldn't you? So what, it's ok for you to make bad decisions and screw everything up but heaven forbid I do something wrong?”

“Oh don't even try and turn this around on me!” he said, standing up. “This has nothing to do with me! Wait...actually it does have to do with me, doesn't it? Which is why you should have told me! This didn't just happen to you, Emily. It happened to us. Get that into your head!”

“I said I'm sorry! What do you want me to do? Go off to marriage rehab so I can get let off the hook just like you did? Fine! I'm a terrible, dishonest wife! What do you want me to do?”

“I wish I knew.” he said. “I just don't see how I can trust you right now.”

Leighanne could tell things were only about to get uglier and she decided to try and interject.

“AJ, look, you can't blame her.” she said. “She thought you had left her for good. We all did. She was vulnerable and completely distraught. She never intended to be unfaithful, it just happened. She thought her marriage was over!”

Emily's eyes went wide and her face went white as everyone at the table froze.

“What the hell did you just say?” AJ asked, his voice dropping.

“Oh God....AJ, I'm so sorry...” Emily said.

“Did you just say unfaithful?” AJ asked, looking at Leighanne.

Leighanne froze like a deer in headlights.

“What the hell is she talking about?” he asked, facing Emily.

“I'm sorry....” Emily said.

“You were....unfaithful?” Realization hit AJ like a ton of bricks.

“No! I mean, yes but I didn't know at the time.”

“You didn't know.” he said.

“I thought you had left me! You said you were leaving, you said it was what you had to do, I didn't know! There was no way I could have known! I just needed....something....to make myself feel better.” she tried to explain.

“You wanted to feel better.” he repeated, as he processed this new piece of information.

“Yes.”

“Who was it?”

Emily was quiet. “I'm sorry.” she said.

AJ felt like the wind had been knocked out of him as all the missing pieces to the story fell into place. “You slept with Randy?” he asked, quietly.

Emily nodded as tears began flowing down her face.

“How could you?”

“I didn't mean to cheat on you! You have to understand, please!” she pleaded. “I would never cheat on you, you have to know that!”

“Just like you were supposed to know that I would never leave you. But you thought I did. So no, I don't know that you would never cheat on me since now I know that you have.”

“But I didn't....I thought our marriage was over!”

“And you didn't waste any time moving on to him, did you?”

“I didn't 'move on' to anybody!”

“Then what would you call it?”

“It was just...sex. You left me, you treated me like dirt and then you disappeared. I felt so lonely and betrayed and unloved. I just needed to feel...loved again. You have no idea what I went through over you.”

“It was just sex.” he repeated. Then another piece of the puzzle fell into place. “It wasn't my baby, was it? That's why you didn't tell me.”

Brian had a look of pure amazement on his face as he knew nothing about this. Leighanne sat silently, her hand over her mouth. She had assumed AJ had found out about Randy so she had spoken up and inadvertently let the cat out of the bag.

“I don't know.” Emily said, quietly.

“What do you mean you don't know?”

“I mean I don't know! The timing was too close together to be able to tell.”

“And just what did you plan to do about that?”

“I was going to tell you when you got home. I was going to tell you everything and hope that you could find it in your heart to understand. I was only a few weeks away from being able to have a paternity test done and then I was going to go from there.”

“You were going to tell me everything?”

“Yes, I swear.”

“Right. How the hell am I supposed to believe you?”

“Because I'm telling the truth!” she pleaded.

“I can not believe you.” AJ said. “How could you have done this to me?”

“I didn't....”

“YES, YOU DID!” he yelled, smashing a dinner plate on the floor. He glared at her for a moment before turning and storming out of the house, slamming the front door behind him.

Emily buried her face in her hands and wept silently as Brian and Leighanne remained frozen in their seats, still in shock over the scene they'd just witnessed. After a few more seconds, Brian quickly got up and went after AJ, wanting to make sure he was alright.

“Emily...I'm so sorry....” Leighanne said, feeling incredibly guilty. “I thought....it sounded like he knew....”

Emily continued to sob as she sat at the table. Leighanne didn't know what else to do so she began cleaning up the broken plate. When she was done, she sat down next to Emily and gave her a hug.

Emily cried on Leighanne's shoulder for over an hour before getting up from the table and going outside to sit on the deck. Leighanne cleaned up the dinner mess and hung around, unsure if she should stay or leave. Her cell phone rang and she raced for her purse to answer it. It was Brian.

“What's going on?” she asked, softly.

“You knew about this?” he accused.

Leighanne cringed. “Yes.”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“Because Emily didn't want you to know. She wasn't proud of it and I thought it was best if I didn't tell you. I was afraid you'd be upset with her.”

Brian sighed. He knew Leighanne had a point. He was a bit upset with Emily.

“Look, you have to remember, we all thought he was gone for good.” Leighanne pointed out.

“I know. You're right.”

“How's AJ? Where are you?”

“I'm at home. I convinced him to come here. He went to the bathroom. He's pretty upset.”

“Do you think he'll forgive her? I mean, is he going to come home?”

“I don't know.” Brian said. “I'd say I'm pretty sure he's not coming home tonight. I think it's best if he takes a little time to calm down, maybe he'll be able to understand a little better later. Ok, I gotta go. He's coming back outside.” Brian said, hanging up the phone.

“Who was it?” Emily asked.

Leighanne jumped, she hadn't heard her come back inside.

“It was Brian.”

“Is he with AJ?”

“Yes. They're at home.”

“How is he?”

Leighanne sighed. “Brian said he's probably not coming back tonight. I'm sorry.”

“What the fuck am I supposed to do?” Emily asked, feeling completely helpless.

“Just give him some time. He won't be reasonable until he's calmed down. Just give him some time and space. He'll come to you when he's ready to talk.”

“If he's ever ready to talk about this....” Emily said as she turned and went back outside.

Emily had never meant for him to find out like this. Truthfully, she never meant for him to find out but if he did have to find out, this wasn't the way she would have wanted him to. She knew she deserved it. Even though she had never intended for any of this to happen, it had. She had cheated on AJ, she got pregnant and didn't tell him, she lost a baby and didn't tell him, and to top it all off she made him feel like she didn't believe in him, in his ability to cope with things. He'd said right from the beginning that he didn't want to be treated like he was weak or broken, it only made him feel worse about it all. And that was exactly what she'd made him think she'd done.

She didn't know he'd been so hurt that she thought he'd left her. As much as she could understand his hurt, she didn't know how he could expect her to think anything else. She knew that AJ would never have left her but at the time, he wasn't really AJ. As scared as she was right now about things, she told herself over and over again that AJ wouldn't walk away. She just hoped he would come to understand and forgive her.

Leighanne came outside and sat next to Emily.

“Emily, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am.” she said.

“It's ok Leighanne. I don't blame you for this.”

“But how can you not?”

“I don't know, I guess I just have a feeling he would have figured it out eventually. At least this way it's all on the table. I think if he were to find out months from now he'd be even more upset because I had the opportunity to fess up and I didn't. Well technically I still didn't but maybe he'll forget that little detail.”

“How did he find out about the baby?”

“Stupid insurance company sent a statement saying what I was in the ER for.”

“Are you ok?”

Emily sighed. “I don't know. I guess so. I deserve whatever he has to say to me.”

“Not entirely, Emily. He may not understand but you didn't knowingly betray him.”

“Maybe not knowingly but I did betray him. And then I kept the whole baby thing from him. I didn't have to do that. I could have just told him I was pregnant and had a miscarriage. It wouldn't have been a lie, it just wouldn't have been the whole truth.”

“Do you think he always tells you the whole truth?”

“I can't think of anything serious enough that he wouldn't have.”

“What about when he told you he wasn't drinking!” Leighanne pointed out.

“That doesn't count. He wasn't himself....”

“Well, you weren't yourself when you went through all this. If you want to accept responsibility that's fine and its probably the best thing to do to make this better but try to keep it in perspective and remember that you're not as bad as you're making yourself out to be.”

“Thanks.” Emily said, feeling slightly better about herself as she realized Leighanne did have a valid point.

“So, what are you going to do?”

Emily took a deep breath. “I'm going to believe that he'll never walk away from me when things get tough and I'm going to wait for him to be ready to come home and talk.”

“Do you want me to stay here tonight?”

“No, I just want to be alone. You know, in case he comes home later. I need to think about what I want to say to him.”

“Alright. Will you call if you change your mind or if you just want to talk?”

“Of course.” Emily said. “And you know....if he needs some encouraging to come back home...you'll help him out?”

Leighanne smiled. “Absolutely!”