Chapter 13

The weekend was more of the same behaviors. Emily came home Friday night and found him asleep on the couch right where she'd left him that morning. She cooked dinner but he said he wasn't hungry. He never came to bed but she woke up several times and could hear the tv blaring downstairs. She slept in Saturday and by the time she'd gotten up he had fallen asleep. She spent the afternoon out by their pool relaxing and trying to take her mind off of things but she was becoming increasingly worried about AJ. It was like he was having some kind of break down and she didn't know what to do. She thought of trying to force him to get help but then realized that until he was ready to accept it, it wouldn't do any good. Could she be more understanding? Maybe but it was hard to be understanding when he wouldn't even talk to her about what was going on with him. She considered calling Brian or Kevin but somehow felt that it would be a betrayal of his privacy and didn't really want them to know how things really were between them lately. But what if he never snapped out of it? When she stood there on the side of the ocean in Hawaii and pledged to love him for better or for worse she never imagined this would be the worse part of the deal. Could she really stand to live like this for the next several years? The thought that she might even have to consider one day leaving him made her sick to her stomach. She wasn't ready to think about that yet.

Ultimately she decided she would do whatever he would let her. He needed to start getting back into a normal sleeping pattern and he needed to eat something. Judging by the contents of their kitchen it would seem he'd barely eaten anything all week. She had three more weeks of her internship at Glenview and then, if all went well, she'd have a job waiting for her at Children's Hospital working in their free clinic, 12 hours a day but only three days a week. She could be around more to encourage him, help him get back on track.

Sunday was a repeat of Saturday except Sunday night AJ got up and announced he was going out. He didn't say where and she didn't feel like asking him. If he didn't volunteer the information she figured it meant he didn't feel like discussing it. As she sat out at the pool, she knew what she had to do. He might not like it but it was probably and hopefully for his own good.

She flipped open her cell phone and dialed the number.

“Hi Denise, it's Emily.” she said.

“Emily! Hi, how are you? Boy I thought you guys might have fallen off the face of the earth, it's been so long!” Denise greeted, sounding pleased to hear from her.

“I know, I'm sorry. To tell you the truth, things haven't been going that well.” Emily admitted.

“What's wrong?” Denise asked, immediately sounding worried.

“It's AJ.”

Denise sighed.

“He's in this permanent funk, you know? His album got dropped and he has no work to do, he's all bent out of shape because my boss is my ex-boyfriend and all we've been doing is fighting left and right and he sleeps all day and stays up all night watching tv and he's not even eating.”

Denise was silent as she took it all in. “His album got dropped?”

Apparently, AJ hadn't told his mother anything. Emily filled her in on everything that had happened from the album to his alleged one drink to their marriage counseling fiasco. When she finished, Denise announced that she wanted to come up there.

“Do you think that's a good idea? I don't want him to feel attacked or anything....” Emily said, still feeling unsure if calling her had even been the right thing to do.

“You're probably right.” Denise sighed. “I'll give him a call tomorrow and pretend like I don't know anything and I'll mention visiting and see how he takes it. Where is he now?”

“I actually don't know. He said he was going out.”

Denise cringed, thinking of all the places her song may have gone to in his current state of mind. “Listen, when you're at work tomorrow, if you have a minute, give me a call and I'll let you know what I find out.”

“Ok, thank Denise.”

AJ was driving around when his mom called him. He almost didn't answer it, feeling he didn't have the energy to pretend everything was fine but he decided he'd better answer, he hadn't talked to her in awhile.

“Hey Ma.” he answered.

“So you are alive! I was beginning to wonder!” Denise said.

“I know, I'm sorry I haven't called. Just been busy.”

“I bet! How is the album going?”

AJ cringed. “It's going great!” he said, feigning enthusiasm. “Almost finished.”

“Really? That's wonderful! I hope I get an advanced copy!”

“Of course!”

“How's Emily?”

“She's ok, she's been really busy with her new job.” AJ said, barely able to conceal the bitterness in his voice.

“Well you must be proud of her!” Denise said.

“Uh, yeah I suppose I am.”

“I won't keep you, I just wanted to call and check up on you. Hey I was thinking of coming up for a visit soon, when do you think would be a good time?”

“How about next month sometime?”

“Next month would be great. I look forward to it.”

“Great, I'll see you then!” AJ said, actually feeling a little excited to see his mom again.

“I love you, take care and say hi to that beautiful wife of yours!”

“I will, I love you too, Ma,” AJ said.

Emily called Denise during her lunch break on Monday.

“Did you talk to him?” she asked.

“Yesterday.” Denise answered. “How long has this been going on?”

“Well, the arguing over my job started at the beginning of tour but I thought we'd worked all that out. Everything else started right after he got home.”

“So this came on fast then?”

“As far as I know.”

“He didn't say anything to me.” Denise admitted, sounding hurt. “I asked about the album and he said it was great and almost done.”

“Don't take it personally, Denise. I think he's really ashamed.”

“Emily I want you to keep a close eye on him, ok? If things get any worse, please call me. I don't want to get involved until I'm sure I have to. Otherwise he'll resent the help instead of accepting it.”

Emily sighed. “Do you think he's drinking again?” she asked, finally allowing the question to become real.

“I don't know for sure and as much as I hate to admit it, I think it's a distinct possibility.”

“That's what I was afraid of.”

“Are you ok?”

“Not really. For as long as I've known him, he's always been the strong one, you know? This is entirely new territory for me.” Emily admitted.

“Don't take this the wrong way, but I do think there's a reason behind that. When you two started dating, you still had some pretty big issues to deal with and all through your relationship it was AJ helping you through all of that. Well, now that you're fixed and healed, AJ doesn't have anyone to fix and rescue and now he's forced to deal with his own issues. I think as long as he had someone else who needed his help he was able to keep his own crap at bay.” Denise explained.

Emily thought that over for a moment and admitted she had a point. He'd helped her deal with losing her son, getting over her scars from dating Joe, and the death of her brother. “Well, so maybe if I start acting all screwed up again things will go back to normal?” Emily half joked.

Denise laughed. “Well, you could certainly give it a try but in all honesty, even though it's harder this way I think it's better that he finally figure this out.”

She checked the time after she hung up with Denise. She still had a few minutes left of her break and decided to call and check up on AJ. He must have been awake because he answered on the second ring.

“Hey.” he said with a very flat voice.

“Hey you.” Emily said gently.

“What's up?”

“Nothing, just called to say hi. I feel like I haven't seen you in days! I miss you.”

“Yeah, well, you've been busy.”

“And you've been asleep all day!” Emily said, trying to keep her cool.

“Well it's not like I have anything else to do.”

“So, do you maybe want to go out tonight? We could grab something to eat and catch a movie or something.”

“No thanks. I'm tired.”

“Alright. Maybe another time. I have to get going. I'll see you when I get home?

“Yeah, maybe.”

Emily sighed as she hung up her phone and went back to work.

That evening, Emily once again met with Dr. Murphy by herself.

“Has there been any change?” the doctor asked.

“Not really. I guess he's being civil, we haven't really been arguing but that's probably mostly because we never see each other. He stays awake all night and sleeps all day and when we are home together we don't talk even if we are both awake. I talked to his mom about it yesterday. He usually tells her everything and she didn't know about any of it.”

“Would it be fair to say that the severity of the situation has sunk in?” Dr. Murphy asked

Emily nodded. “I guess it has. I've been thinking about what I can do and I haven't come up with anything to help him. Then I think about what happens if he never gets better. Actually his mom had an interesting insight about all of this. I don't know how true it is but it kind of makes sense.”

“What did she say?”

“She said that when we met, our relationship was the other way around. I was the one with all the emotional difficulties and he was the one that stood by me and helped glue me back together. And now that I'm fixed, he has no one else to focus on and he's faced with his own issues.”

“That makes a bit of sense I suppose. What kinds of issues did he help you with?”

Emily chuckled. “Quite a large list, actually. First he helped me get over my fear of relationships after what my ex did to me which goes hand in hand with my baby being born with cancer that ultimately killed him and for the fact that for years I blamed myself because I chose to give him the medicine that led to his death. Then my brother was killed in Iraq and he helped me through all of that and to realize that it was time to move on with my life and stop living in the past. Then, when we were broken up for awhile, he came to stand by my side when I thought I had breast cancer. He took me to my biopsy and everything.”

Dr. Murphy looked a little surprised. “He certainly did stand by a lot! Now I'm starting to understand what his mom was talking about!”

Emily laughed.

“In all seriousness, if he doesn't start to come out of this in a few weeks, I think you may have to confront the situation.” Dr. Murphy said.

“That's exactly what I'm afraid of.”

“That's quite understandable. Ultimately, you have to stay strong for him. Perhaps even a little tough love, but we'll talk more about how to handle that when we get there. Hopefully, he just needs a little time and he'll start to turn it around.”

“I hope you're right because I honestly don't know how much longer I can keep this up. It's lonely! I sleep by myself, I eat by myself, he was the one I always talked to about everything and I don't have that anymore. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up this happy act, you know?”

Dr. Murphy nodded. “You have to keep a balance between being strong for him and being there when he needs you, as well as your own emotional well being. Make sure that you aren't getting so caught up in dealing with him that you're neglecting your own needs.”

“Well, he IS my needs! How can I tend to that?”

“Probably by doing what's best for him. When it's time, get him the help he needs so he can be there for you too.”

Emily felt nothing but discouraged when she left Dr. Murphy's office that night. She was left with the feeling that things were either going to get worse or better and her money was on worse.

Chapter 14

Over the next week nothing had really changed. AJ would still be awake when she went to work and when she got home he was either asleep or out somewhere. The only thing that was any different was that now he wasn't always on the couch. Sometimes he'd move to the recliner or even outside on the deck. Emily made several attempts to talk to him or get him to go do something with her but he was never interested. She tried to get him to eat breakfast and dinner with her each day, and each day he said he wasn't hungry. She began to notice that he'd lost weight and was feeling increasingly worried, if possible, each day that went by.

That Friday, Emily's suspicions were raised even higher when she was doing their laundry. As she grabbed his shirt from the hamper she could smell it. It smelled an awful lot like smoke and booze. It was an unmistakable odor. She threw it in the wash and sat down, trying to decide whether or not she should ask him about it. Dr. Murphy had told her she needed to remain strong and not back down because she was afraid of how he'd react and so, while she knew it would probably make him very angry with her, she decided to confront him about it.

He was outside smoking when she found him.

“Hey!” she said as she joined him out by the pool. “Nice day, isn't it??

“Yeah. Finally a break from the heat wave!”

Emily was surprised he'd even noticed there was a heat wave the last few weeks.

“Yeah, for awhile our pool was starting to feel like a hot tub!” she joked.

AJ actually smiled at her.

Maybe this was a good time to do it. Emily took a deep breath and asked.

“Have you been going to your AA meetings?” she asked.

“Of course. Every day at 3, boring as they may be.” he answered.

“So where'd you go last night?” she squinted at him in the sun. He didn't look at her when he answered.

“To the gym.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“Well, I was just doing the laundry and when I pulled out your shirt from last night it smelled a lot like a bar.”

“Yeah...I smoked a lot in my car.”

“I'm not talking about cigarettes.”

“What are you getting at?” he asked.

“AJ your shirt reeked of booze. Were you out drinking?”

“Is that what you think?”

“I don't know what to think lately. That's why I'm giving you the chance to explain before I jump to too many conclusions.”

“Sounds to me like you've already reached a conclusion.”

“Sounds to me like you're avoiding the question.” She pressed.

AJ stood up. “That's because I honestly can't believe you even need to ask! So much for trusting me, huh?”

He stood there for a moment, glaring at her, while she tried to think of what to say. When she couldn't come up with anything, he walked away. Something he was getting really good at lately.

Emily remained by the pool for a few more hours. She wasn't dumb enough to fall for the crap he just tried to pull. AJ had never been able to lie to her and because he couldn't bring himself to do it, he avoided giving her an answer at all. Which pretty much gave her the answer. As far as she could figure, if it hadn't been true he would have denied it. If it were true, which she now believed it to be, he would have done exactly what he just did.

Her cell phone rang, pulling her from her haze. It was Leslie.

“Hey Leslie, what's up?”

“Hi Emily. I'm sorry to bother you on a Friday night but I need a huge favor!”

“Sure, what can I do for you?”

“Well Amanda has the flu and she was supposed to work tomorrow and the rest of the nursing staff has to go to a training seminar all day which leaves no one to work tomorrow unless you'd be willing to go in?”

“By myself?” Emily asked.

“Emily you're ready. Seriously. There won't be anything out of the ordinary and you've been doing it by yourself all week! Flawlessly, I might add.”

“Yeah but with you right behind me making sure I don't screw up!”

Leslie chuckled. “I wouldn't even consider asking if I at all thought it would be a problem.”

Emily sighed. “Yeah, ok. I can do it.”

“Thank you so much! I owe you one. I just hope you didn't have any plans with your husband!”

“No, actually I didn't have a single plan.” Emily admitted.

“Well perfect! Now you do.”

Emily laughed. “I'll see you Monday.”

“Bye Emily. Thanks again!”

Around nine, Emily went in and forced herself to eat some dinner and then told AJ she was going to bed.

“Already? It's early, I figured you'd want to stay up late and babysit me.” he said.

Emily rolled her eyes. “I have to get up early. I'm going in to work at 6. I'll be home between two and three.”

“What, five days a week isn't enough time with the doctor guy, now you're working Saturdays too?” he snapped.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever AJ.”

What Leslie had failed to mention was that it was Randy's Saturday to work and other than the receptionist who only worked Saturdays, they were the only ones there. To say that Emily was distracted was to say the least. While she never made any mistakes, several times she had to ask Randy to repeat himself and was overall not her cheerful self. It certainly didn't go unnoticed by Randy, who knew her better than anyone else in the office. He was becoming increasingly worried about her and kept a close eye on her to make sure she wasn't so distracted that she made any mistakes. As usual, she was flawless in her work but she lacked her certain charm.

He had intended to talk to her about it when they closed but as soon as she finished all of her duties she said a quick goodbye as she walked by his office and he didn't even have a chance to stop her.

AJ was gone when she got home. She could only hope he was at his three o'clock meeting but she had no way of knowing for sure. He walked in the door around seven just as she was eating the McDonald's she picked up. She looked up at him but didn't have it in her to talk to him so she remained silent.

AJ was in no mood himself and went upstairs and got in the shower.

Sunday was no better. Emily decided she needed to get out of the house to do something besides working so she called up Leighanne to see if she was free to go shopping and have lunch.

They met up at the mall and Leighanne greeted her with a big hug.

“It's been such a long time since I've seen you!” Leighanne exclaimed. “You'd never know we lived in the same city!”

“I know, I'm sorry! Things have just been a bit busy! How are Brian and Baylee doing?”

“They're both up to the same old antics. We just got back from a vacation in London.”

“I've always wanted to go there!” Emily exclaimed.

“Well, tell AJ, I'm sure he'll take you!”

Emily looked away. “Yeah, I'm sure.”

Leighanne immediately sensed the tension, she had a knack for it, but she didn't say anything.

The two had a great time shopping and trying on clothes. They ate lunch in a small cafe in the mall and decided to go have pedicures at the spa. Leighanne was quick to notice that Emily never mentioned AJ or anything having to do with their marriage and would successfully dodge any questions Leighanne asked about either. Not that she didn't understand the frustrations of marriage herself. Just because you love the person doesn't always mean that you like them which is a hard lesson for a newlywed to learn.

Leighanne went home and confided in Brian her concerns.

Emily went home and avoided AJ for the rest of the day.

Monday morning Emily woke up for the first time dreading going in to work. The stress and tension with AJ was really starting to get to her and she wasn't sure how much more she could handle.

“Are you feeling ok?” Leslie asked her.

“Me? Oh yeah. I'm just tired I guess.” she lied.

“Late night?” Leslie winked.

“Oh you have no idea!” Emily answered, letting Leslie think what she would.

“Listen, it's not a big deal or anything but you forgot to take the vitals for Katie Miller and Margie says you keep forgetting how to file the charts today.”

Emily flushed. “I'm really sorry. I guess I'm just a bit off today.”

“It's ok. It happens to the best of us.” Leslie said. “I just wanted you to be aware.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Emily said, feeling crappier than before, which she didn't think was even possible.

At the end of her shift, Randy asked to speak with her in his office before she left. Emily thought he was going to scold her for the poor work she had done.

“Come in and have a seat.” he said when she knocked on his door. “Oh, and go ahead and shut the door if you would.”

Emily was beginning to feel nervous as she sat down across from him at his desk.

Randy sighed and folded his hands on his desk. “Emily, I'm asking you this as your boss but more importantly are your friend. Are you ok? I know I promised you I'd keep it professional and I have up until now but it's become very clear to me lately that something is going on with you and I haven't said anything before because it had nothing to do with your work but now I think it's starting to interfere with your job which means I finally have an excuse to ask you. So, are you ok?”

Emily looked down as she thought for a moment. Her initial reaction had been to get irritated at him for breaking their agreement to act as nothing more than employer and employee but she was also torn because she really needed to talk to someone about it. Someone who wouldn't try to get involved like Brian or Leighanne would.

“No.” she answered finally, her voice cracking. “No, I'm not ok.”

“What's going on?” he asked gently. “Are you and AJ fighting or something?”

Emily laughed. “Well, you'd actually have to be speaking to be fighting, so I guess the answer is no.”

“You guys aren't talking to each other?”

“Not really.”

“For how long?”

“Oh, it's been a few weeks now.” Emily answered, staring out the window.

“What happened?”

Emily took a deep breath and admitted to everything that was happening from his bitterness at her job to his depression to her strong suspicion that he was drinking again.

Randy was caught off guard. He knew something was going on, he just never imagined it was that bad.

“Why didn't you say anything sooner?”

“Because you're my boss now and I just wanted to pretend nothing was wrong but I can't do it anymore. I'm so lonely, you have no idea. He's always been the one person I could talk to and now he's the one person I can't talk to and I don't know what to do or how to help him or how much longer I can even keep doing this.” she said, finally letting down her guard and allowing her emotions to spill out as tears began to roll down her face.

Randy got up and pulled her up from her chair and embraced her in a hug.

“Jesus, Em. I had no idea it was this bad.”

He led them over to the couch as she continued to sob in his arms. He listened to her emotional ramblings and gently rubbed her back as he held her, allowing her to release everything she'd been keeping bottled up. Randy felt like someone was twisting his heart. He hadn't realized just how much he still cared about her and the fact that she was in so much pain was killing him. He wanted to fix it for her, to make it better. But she was married and he had to respect that. He was also her boss and knew there were too many reasons why he couldn't be more involved.

Eventually her sobs subsided and she sat up, wiping her eyes.

“I'm sorry.” she said.

“Don't be. I know I'm supposed to be professional but I'm always here if you need me to be a friend too. You don't have to go through this alone.”

Emily nodded. It had felt really good to unload all that.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“No.” Emily shook her head. “No, I don't really think there's anything anyone can do. Not yet, anyway.”

Chapter 15

Tuesday when Emily got to work Leslie told her she needed her to work in the filing room that day helping the staff re-organize all the patient files. Emily really didn't think anything of it until Friday when the file room was done and she was sent to answer the nurse line all day and she started to get the feeling she was being kept from doing any work that was too tasking. At the end of the day she decided to confront Randy about it.

“So are you intentionally keeping me from my regular routine by having me do busy work or do you treat all your star nurse interns this way?” she asked as she sat down in his office.

Randy sighed. “I'm sorry. It's not personal, really.”

“The hell it isn't!”

“Emily, look, it's as much for your protection as it is mine. You're distracted, you look like you haven't slept in days and no one under the kind of pressure and stress you're under can be at the top of their game. I had to expect a certain level of distraction from you and because of that I thought it was best if you weren't doing any patient care.”

Emily glared at him. “I thought you were being my friend the other night, not my boss!”

“I am your friend but I'm also your boss and unfortunately right now I can't always keep the two separate.” he said, calmly.

“Next week is my last week. Am I really going to spend it doing your clerical work?”

Randy pondered for a moment before he answered her.

“No. If you promise to speak up if you need a break I'll put you back with Leslie first thing Monday.”

“Thank you. I promise I'll be fine. I really need the distraction.”

“Have you heard back from the Children's Hospital Free Clinic?” he asked.

“Actually they called Wednesday. The job is all mine pending my completion here. Oh and your recommendation, obviously. I start two weeks after I leave here.”

“I'll give you a rave, don't worry.”

“I'll miss it here though.” she admitted.

“Well, you'll love it over there too and hey, if there's ever a spot here I'll give you a call!”

Emily laughed. AJ would really love that, wouldn't he?

“So what exactly did you tell Leslie? Are they all gossiping about me now?”

“Probably. I just told her you hadn't been feeling well and needed to be on light duty. She didn't seem to question it. Actually if anything, the probably all think you're pregnant.” Randy joked.

“Oh God. That would be the last thing I need right now!” Emily said.

“Look, I know after next week you'll be gone and I probably won't see you very often but if you ever need to talk about....things....please don't hesitate to call me. Nobody has to know about it, it can be our little secret.”

“You know, you might regret that when I'm calling you every night!” Emily laughed.

“I doubt it. Look at the risk of sounding unprofessional, I still do care about what happens to you and I want you to be happy so if there's ever anything I can do for you, just say the word.”

“Thanks, Randy.” Emily said, genuinely touched. It had been a long time since someone genuinely cared about her feelings.

Over the weekend Emily hardly even saw AJ. He went out a lot and she never knew where or even what time he came home. He didn't even know that she'd gotten the job at the free clinic, something she figured would make him feel relieved but she didn't feel like telling him. She tried to keep her mind occupied by watching movies and reading magazines and pretending she was someone else for the weekend.

Monday she met again with Dr. Murphy and nearly had an emotional break down as she sobbed in the doctor's office and begged for a solution to all their problems. While Dr. Murphy didn't have a solution she did have sleeping pills, which Emily accepted gratefully. Anything to turn off her mind so she could get some sleep.

She felt like she was getting through her week ok with some more sleep until she woke up Thursday morning with a migraine. She took some medicine and took a long, hot shower hoping to ease the pain and went to work praying it would go away.

By two o'clock she was absolutely miserable. The lights seemed brighter and every sound made her head hurt even more. The smell of the alcohol swabs was starting to make her want to throw up.

“Emily are you alright? You look really pale!” Leslie commented.

“I have a really bad migraine today, that's all.”

“That's all? No wonder you look like you're about to fall over! Honey go home and go to bed!” she instructed.

“No, it's ok. I'll be fine.” Emily said.

“It's not an option, it's an order! GO! We'll see you tomorrow for you last day.”

Emily gave in. The thought of going to bed did sound awfully inviting. “OK. Could I ask you a really random and strange favor before I go?”

“Sure!”

“Would you give me a shot of Imitrex? I brought them with me in case I needed it but I've never been able to give them to myself because I know how bad it hurts.”

“Of course! I'll meet you in the lounge in a few minutes, ok?”

Emily went and sat down in the lounge, getting her medicine ready for Leslie.

Once she'd gotten her shot, she got her things and went home for the day.

Emily was feeling a little better when she got home but she was starting to feel sleepy from the medicine and the thought of her soft bed sounded so inviting.

She found AJ half asleep on the couch when she walked in.

“What are you doing home?”

“I came home sick. What are you doing home?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Don't you have a meeting in fifteen minutes?”

“Oh, yeah. I was just about to leave.”

Emily doubted that highly but decided not to comment.

“So you've been going every day still?” she asked.

“Why, you don't believe me?”

“No.” she flat out admitted. “No I don't.”

“Well why don't you just put a tracking device on my car, that way you can always know where I am!” he snapped.

“I just might do that!” Emily snapped back. She was not in the mood to put up with his crap today. AJ stormed out of the house and left.

She wasn't quite sure what made her do it but she supposed it was the combination of wanting all this to end and wanting to believe he was trying when she knew he wasn't, but she decided to try and follow him. She quickly got in her car and took off in the direction he'd driven off. She spotted him about three cars ahead of her at the traffic light and she managed to tail him from a distance, all the while praying that she'd end up at an AA meeting.

Her prayers went unanswered as she saw him pull into the parking lot of Average Joes, the bar closest to their house. Her adrenaline was pumping and she almost felt like she was having an out of body experience or something, like she really couldn't believe what she was doing. She drove around the block and then parked in the lot. She snuck into the bar and spotted him sitting at the counter. She hovered in the corner long enough to watch him down a glass of what she assumed to be whiskey and had seen enough. She quickly exited the bar, got in her car and drove home.

She was in a complete state of shock when she walked in the door. She walked inside, sat down on the couch and sobbed. She had suspected this all along but actually seeing it and knowing it was now true was even harder. She felt so many emotions all at once. She was angry and betrayed at what he was doing and for all the lies he'd been telling her, accusing her of not trusting him. She felt sick with worry about him because she didn't want to see him hurting like this. She felt scared that he'd never get better and sick at the thought of it never going back to the way it once was.

After crying for a good hour, Emily stood up, suddenly filled with rage. She suspected he had a hidden stash of booze somewhere in the house and she began tearing the place apart in search of it. She was shocked to find a bottle of whiskey under the treadmill in the basement, a bottle of vodka hidden under the sink of the guest bathroom and a bottle of gin behind the dryer. She had no idea it had gone this far and she suddenly felt stupid for ignoring it for as long as she did. She felt her migraine coming back as the shock wore off and she took some more medicine, this time reaching for her narcotic pain relievers she seldom used and went to lay down on the couch with an ice pack over her eyes.

AJ came home around five o'clock.

“How was your meeting?” she asked, moving the ice pack off of her eyes.

“Fine.” he answered. “Are you ok?”

“Nothing a few vicadins won't cure.” she answered.

“I'm sorry.” he said. She couldn't tell if he was sorry she didn't feel well or sorry about everything else. “Look, I'll be in the basement if you need anything.”

Emily sat up. “It's not there anymore.” she said.

“What?”

“Your whiskey under the treadmill. I dumped it out. Along with the vodka from the bathroom and the gin from the laundry room. Although God knows what else you've got hiding around here.”

AJ didn't respond. He didn't know what to say.

“I followed you.” Emily admitted. “I told you I didn't believe you were going to meetings and I meant it. So I followed you. And I went into the bar long enough to watch you down your first drink and left.”

“You followed me?”

“Yes.”

“I can't believe you would do that!”

Emily couldn't believe her ears. He was drinking again and he was going to blame her?

“Well I can't believe you've been lying to me all this time! Trying to make everything my fault!”

“You had no right to do that! You had no right not to believe me! No right to follow me!”

“That's where you're wrong. I had every right to. I'm your wife, AJ. I love you and I'm not willing to sit around here and watch you destroy yourself day by day.”

“What I do is my own decision.” he said.

“That's true. It is your choice. Just know that if this is what you pick, I'm not going to stand by and watch. You'll have to do it alone.”

Emily's words stung AJ. He couldn't believe she would actually leave him over this!

“This is all your fault!” he said.

“How is this my fault?”

“I couldn't take it anymore, you looking at me with that look of disappointment.”

“I'm disappointed in you now, yes that's very true. I'm disappointed that you're giving up on life by wasting away here in our home. You don't eat, you barely sleep and you've apparently hidden an entire bar stash all over the place. But that was all your own doing!”

AJ realized he didn't have anywhere else to turn. He'd been busted big time and he knew Emily wasn't going to just let it go any longer. He stood there for a few minutes, silent. He was trying to think but he couldn't. “I'm going to go lay down upstairs.” he said softly.

Emily watched him go and lay back down on the couch, not wanting to believe what had just happened. It was too much for her sluggish brain at the moment so she simply cried herself to sleep. When she woke up in the morning she decided she and AJ needed to talk some more now that the shock of the situation had worn off. She went upstairs but he wasn't in their bedroom. She checked the guest rooms and he wasn't there either. She looked out back thinking maybe he was smoking but when she didn't see him there either she looked in the garage to see if his car was there. It wasn't. He'd managed to get up and leave the house without her waking up. She went back into the kitchen and saw a note on the counter.

I'm sorry.

I can't do this anymore.

I hope you'll understand,

I had to go.

AJ

Emily couldn't believe what she was reading. He was gone? Gone where? She turned the paper over hoping he'd written more but it was blank. Emily looked at the clock and realized she had to be at work in thirty minutes. She was seriously tempted to call in sick but since it was her last day, she decided she had to go. She took a quick shower and put her wet hair up. She barely made it out the door in time, her mind was still in a state of disbelief. AJ was gone. She didn't know where to and she didn't know if or when he'd be back.